Today is my first daughter’s Birthday. Upon finding out I was having a girl, late in my pregnancy I said;
I don’t want my daughter to be anything like me!
5 years ago today I started on this journey of self examination and internal transformation.
Its been a long hard road, and I think I have learned more about myself, my faults and my shortcomings after I became a wife. The past three years I have been a better mother, but the past 8 months I have learned a great deal about the little woman my daughter is becoming.
I became greatly concerned with my daughters self perception when I realized that she needed to hear someone tell her how beautiful she was when she got her hair done or got dressed. I would always redirect her to her dad so he could lavish her with compliments. Because if he didn’t she would be so disappointed when no one noticed her pretty hair bows or her matching ensemble after we left the house. Everyday she asked me to do her hair or do her nails, and granted those were things the average girl liked to emulate. Getting pretty and feeling pretty. But my daughter was acting starved for attention.
I bet everyone is going to think I’m so beautiful cause I’m wearing this!
She would say.
The hardest part about this discovery was realizing this was my fault. I’m pretty low maintenance. I don’t get my nails done, barely keep pedicures even in the summer. I don’t shave. I have about a handful of heels and I have been wearing the same brand of makeup since 2005. Which by the way is a shade too light. Through all that , my daughter always paid attention to the million times I changed my hairstyle and how I never got “dressed” unless I was leaving the house. How could I expect to teach her not to live for others approval if it seemed that’s what I was doing?
And worse still, I only made those things a chore or a necessary evil instead of something we could do to spend time together. I was giving her all the wrong associations because of my bad habits. I was teaching my daughter all about low self esteem. I was projecting how I felt about myself big, loud and clear, when I thought no one noticed.
When I found myself back in the grips of low self esteem, I had began taking multiple pictures of myself and making collages. Collages were a way to share the many poses and emotions without having to post the pictures separately. My love for fashion and hair spiraled into a vast array of vanity, where I was constantly checking, hoping, waiting and wanting someone to notice me. Notice my new hairstyle, notice how I put an outfit together, and not notice my cry for that attention at the same time.
Breaking down to my husband and feeling completely convicted in my spirit about having previously been delivered of my issues with self, I again realized where I had gone wrong. I credited myself being analytical and introspective enough to solve my own problem. Reality is, the struggle continued and if I didn’t receive help, I wouldn’t be able to help my daughter.
I had to go back to fix the real problem which was an identity crisis. One that only could be dealt with in the spirit.
Sometimes we find ourselves looking down on people who smoke in front of, curse at or don’t read to, their children. But what about those deep rooted issues we have that we live out in front our children daily assuming they don’t know any better? Parenting is a 24/7 effort. Even when you aren’t paying attention and not trying to teach a lesson, you are. I decided I had to make those efforts purposeful and be careful what I taught my daughter through my own perception. Perception of my self, others and life.
I urge Dads to remember they are a vital part in giving their children identity. And for a young lady the combination of her father (earthly), God (heavenly father), and her husband (spiritual head) will make differences no mother can, in the journey she takes in becoming who she is meant to be.
For the mothers, be careful what we pass on to our daughters. They have the power within them (through Christ) to overcome generational curses and strongholds, but even before birth we have the responsibility to be made whole so we aren’t giving them pieces of our past that could hinder and hurt.
Posted from the Heart ❤